He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
