just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
