god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize