The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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