she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
