My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
