glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
