Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
