I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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