What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i think my tv is drunk
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
