I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize