he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
