She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
