The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
