What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
