so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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