Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
