It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
