I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
