'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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