oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
