You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I need a beard to bite.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
