think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
