There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
