I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
