I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we made out on top of his cat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
