I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize