who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
