Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
