I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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