I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
