What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
