Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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