Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
