He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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