mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize