I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So many bounce houses so little time
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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