I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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