My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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