This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
