Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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