Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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