There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
