No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
