I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
