Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
