woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
