pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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