WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
