He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
