The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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