"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
