plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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