he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
