I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
