so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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