Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
