you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
