I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
