Where did you get a picture of my penis
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
