I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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