every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
