You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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