Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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