Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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