If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
