ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
