no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
