Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
