Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
