that's an acceptable place to lick
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
